David Stern tastes great the next day on honey wheat with avocado, cream cheese and cranberry sauce. Chunky sauce, not jellied. Crunchy veggies are okay too. Texture is important.
Monday: Milwaukee Bucks at Charlotte Bobcats (4:00 PM PST on League Pass)
It’s time to admit that Bucks-Bobs basketball is back! Das Bucks are 6-2, winning games on a surprisingly balanced offensive attack led by Monta Ellis and Brandon Jennings. The Bucks lead the league in pace (meaning that they possess the ball more than any other team in the NBA), so they’re finding lots of ways to create offense. The Bobs, meanwhile, have won four of five on tough-nosed defense, and stellar play from Kemba Walker and, believe it or not, Byron Mullens. If the playoffs started today, both of these teams would be in. And all of this came straight from my tuchus, I haven’t watched any Bucks or Bobs ball this season.
Tuesday: New York Knicks at New Orleans Hornets (5:00 PM PST on League Pass)
The Knicks are good, so of course, people are already penciling their name into “potential finals matchup” conversations. We know that if you start hot, you never, ever cool down, so we can probably count on games being played at MSG well into June. That said, if they did do the improbable, and upset the Heat in the ECF, and then beat whoever comes out of the West (OKC? Memphis? San Antonio? Clippers? Maybe even those underdogs, the Lakers?), they would be, by far, the oldest team in NBA history to win a championship. Hell, at an average age of 33, they are already, by far, the oldest NBA team in history. That’s pretty cool to me. Watch them take on one of the young teams in the NBA, where Anthony Davis is starting to figure it out (28 and 12 in his last game).
Wednesday: LA Clippers at Oklahoma City Thunder (4:30 PM PST on ESPN)
Yeah, we’re going to homecoming with the quarterback, even though his personality sucks, and we’re pretty sure that he’ll get aggressively handsy by the end of the night. I really don’t like watching either of these teams play, but there’s a certain “don’t miss” quality about two teams that trot out the stars, and may very well play in the Western conference finals. I wish I was less shallow. If you wanna focus on something besides all the passive touches you’re getting on your lower backside, concentrate on the way Kevin Martin creates his own shot. The guy has head fakes and stutter steps for dayz.
Thursday: The Rock (1996)
No games scheduled for Turkey Day. So why not watch The Rock? In this late twentieth century action classic, an FBI biochemist named Stanley Goodspeed (Nic Cage) must stop a renegade general Francis Xavier Hummel (Ed Harris) and his unit, who have holed up on Alcatraz Island, with enough chemical weapons to wipe San Francisco off the map. The only way Goodspeed can stop Hummel is with the help of John Patrick Mason (Sean Connery), the only man known to have ever escaped Alcatraz. This is the perfect end to any Thanksgiving feast. I mean, losers always whine about their best. Winners fuck the prom queen.
Friday: Sacramento Kings at Utah Jazz (5:00 PM PST on League Pass)
In part one, an imploding young team travels to the mountains to take on a team that cannot win a road game to save their lives. Can Boogie Cousins return from suspension to lead his team to victory? Will Marcus Thornton get hot, or will Randy Foye steal his thunder? Why is Aaron Brooks’ face so small? Get these answers on Friday!
Saturday: Utah Jazz at Sacramento Kings (7:00 PM PST on League Pass)
In part two, the same imploding young team returns home to try and avenge it’s inevitable loss from the previous night. The local blogs will be aflame with hate, and will have already eulogized the premature end of a lost season. But is it? Will the Kings turn their season around? Will Isaiah Thomas and Jimmer Fredette take charge and get this team on track? Or will they succumb to a Jazz team that smells blood in the water? Find out these answers on Saturday!
(Seriously, two Kings-Jazz games in a row?)
Sunday: Portland Trailblazers at Brooklyn Nets (10:00 AM PST on League Pass)
Honestly, this is the game that has the best chance of being close that day. I guess the Lillard vs. D-Will matchup is sort of intriguing as well, but I rarely watch games for individual matchups. And I’m planning on being out and about that day, so someone tell me how this one goes.