Diss Guy: Highway Patrol Officer on HWY 101 Southbound
Generally speaking, fuck the police. But today…
“Thanks Andrew Bogut”
~ A One Act Play by Jacob Greenberg ~
Characters:
Jacob
Highway Patrol Officer
Setting:
Hwy 101 Northbound, between Cloverdale, CA and Hopland, CA.
Time:
8:45 pm
ACT I
Jacob has just been pulled over by Highway Patrol Officer for unknown reasons. Jacob hates the police. Highway patrol man saunters up to car window.
Highway Patrol Officer: Good evening sir, how are you?
Jacob: Fine. What’s the problem? I wasn’t speeding.
Highway Patrol Officer: I didn’t say you were. License and registration?
Jacob: [Hands them over]
Highway Patrol Officer: That was a disappointing loss last night.
Jacob: What?
Highway Patrol Officer: [Motions to Jacob's Warriors hat] Your hat. You a Warriors fan?
Jacob: Oh. Yeah. A big one.
Highway Patrol Officer: Nice. At least Bogut’s looking good.
Jacob: Yeah, he’s doing alright.
Highway Patrol Officer: Okay. Sit tight.
About three minutes passes.
Highway Patrol Officer: Okay. Your license plate light it out. Fix it please.
Jacob: Okay. Thanks officer.
Highway Patrol Officer: Go Dubs.
END ACT I
Go Dubs, indeed.
–JG
Miss Guys: Derek Fisher and Sam Presti
- March 17 – 0–1, 1 REB, 1 AST in 12:28
- March 19 – 0–4, 2 STL, 2 TOV in 11:12
- March 20 – 0–4 in 11:06
- March 22 – 0–3, 3 REB, 1 AST, 1 TOV in 12:12
- March 24 – 0–2, 1 REB, 1 AST in 15:24
- March 27 – 0–3, 1 REB, 1 AST, 2 STL in 14:16
For those of you averse to math, in his last 6 games Derek Fisher is 0—17 with 4 points, 6 rebounds, 4 assists, 4 steals and 3 turnovers in 76:38. Another way of looking at it, which was calculated before Fisher’s latest dud, comes from @ThunderStats:
Derek Fisher in his last 5 games is 0-14 from the field. Thunder fans in the last 6 homes games are 2-6 from half court.
— Thunder Stats & Info (@ThunderStats) March 25, 2013
Derek, three months ago we wrote that it was time for you to give up the dream and get started with your post-basketball life whatever it may be, and that sentiment is even stronger today. You have had a great career: in the league for 17 years, winner of 5 NBA championships and president of the National Basketball Players Association for 7. You are clearly a smart, intelligent man and I’m sure you will be successful in whatever comes next. Surely more successful than you currently are at playing basketball.
And Thunder GM Sam Presti, what are you doing? You employed Fisher last year when he was terrible. You saw his disastrous nine game stretch with the Dallas Mavericks this year. You have a competent backup point guard in Reggie Jackson, and had a competent third point guard in Eric Maynor before you traded him away essentially for free. I know Maynor has been disappointing this year and you weren’t likely to re-sign him, but wouldn’t you prefer his 25 year old legs in blowouts to Fisher’s 38? Hell, why do you even need a third point guard when Russell Westbrook averages 35 minutes a game and has yet to miss a single game in his entire career?
At some point over the remaining ten games of the season, Fisher is going to put together a solid 20 minutes, or perhaps hit a three-pointer to send a game to overtime. That is going to convince Presti and coach Scott Brooks—for some unexplainable reason—that Fisher deserves minutes at a key juncture of the playoffs. Because Derek Fisher is 38 years old, shooting 31% from the field, 29% from the 3-point line and hasn’t played competent defense since N*Sync was popular, he is going to fail. When he does, Sam Presti will only have himself to blame.
—KD