Last year, with two weeks to go in the season, I did Games of the Meek, where I gave the teams that failed to appear in The Diss’ Games of the Week a lackluster day in court. Judgement included an explanation (from me) of why I didn’t watch them this season. In most cases, poor chemistry, marketing, luck and management determined their fates. I then bathed them in red, the color of shame. I wasn’t very nice. And I’m not nice this year, either. Maybe they’ll do better next season.
Monday: Detroit Pistons at Toronto Raptors (4:00 PM PST on League Pass)
Most would agree that the pieces are in place. Greg Monroe and Andre Drummond are surefire NBA starting big men. Brandon Knight can play (when he’s healthy). Jose Calderon was a nice pickup. There’s things to like, here. Why can’t it work, then? Why does it look different every single night? Some evenings Monroe can’t get a touch while the chuckers chuck, other nights the team just stalls in its halfcourt sets time and time again. I want to say it’s LoFo’s fault, but I dunno. Until Joe Dumars goes, I think Detroit is just gonna be stink city.
Monday Again: Cleveland Cavaliers at Atlanta Hawks (4:30 PM PST on League Pass)
All of Tuesday’s games are pretty good, so we’re going to have to switch between the Pistons and their crap counterpart, the Atlanta Hawks. Going into the season, I was ready to call this team irrelevant, and was actually sort of looking forward to some sort of rebuilding year to shake the ship up. I was ready to see Jeff Teague put up big numbers on a crappy team, and Josh Smith get traded somewhere where his streaky skillset could get recasted. No such luck. Instead, we got what we got every year: 40-something wins, an empty arena, trade rumors that went nowhere, bored looking players and another forgettable season of Hawks basketball. For a place nicknamed “The Highlight Factory”, Hawks games have a definite “Romney Rally in an Empty Stadium” feel to them. Hope everyone’s ready to not watch Pacers-Hawks in the first round.
Wednesday: Philadelphia 76ers at Charlotte Bobcats (4:00 PM PST on League Pass)
Yep. Bynum was injured. I understand this. It’s a bummer that the guy they traded for didn’t show up to play this season. It sucks he’s probably going to leave as a free agent, having essentially used the franchise as a place to rehab his wheels. I’m just not that high on this team anyways. I wasn’t on board with them giving up Iggy, and Evan Turner is nowhere near an able replacement. Evan Turner isn’t even approaching poor man’s Iggy-level, what with his poor shooting, turnovers, defense and lack of range . Their other players haven’t helped the cause much either. Execution always seemed to be a problem with this team; bad shots, unforced errors, Doug Collins looking exasperated. There wasn’t much reason to watch this team this year, save Jrue Holiday. Who knew the Sixers were closer to rebuild than run to the second round of the playoffs? I didn’t. Sorry, Symbol.
Thursday: Chicago Bulls at Brooklyn Nets (4:00 PM PST on League Pass)
Yep, even playoff teams get bathed in red. To be honest: I think it’s the uniforms and minimalist scheme that makes me gassy. When your entire team seems like an elaborate platform for a new font (produced by Jay-Z) it just feels comical. Not to mention the Nets feature no truly exciting players — skilled, but not exciting — it’s hard to rally any sort of support. I probably watched four Nets games this season.
Friday: Golden State Warriors at Phoenix Suns (7:00 PM PST on League Pass)
This week’s Homer Game features my beloved hometown heroes playing a team we were way too high on to begin the season: the Phoenix Suns. Kevin and I predicted the Suns would finish with 36 wins and sorta hang around the middle of the conference before falling short. Nice try, Dr. Wrong. Instead of SSOL with Goran Dragic behind the wheel, we got bricks. And blowouts. Blowouts as far as the eye can see. This team proved that, in some cases, the eye test is enough. If Wes Johnson, Michael Beasley and Marcin Gortat look like questionable pieces to build around, it’s probably beccause they’re questionable pieces to build around. So yeah, happy trails, Phoenix. Not so sure how this mess is going to be cleaned up. Here’s an idea: the Mercury are probably going to draft Brittney Griner. Perhaps the Suns can swap draft picks and get her as their new franchise player. She’s better than anyone they have right now.
Saturday: Detroit Pistons at Minnesota Timberwolves (5:00 PM PST on League Pass)
I feel a bit guilty including the Wolves on this list, but we can’t escape the truth: ill-health totally decimated this team’s watchability. It wasn’t just the players in this case — Kevin Love, Nikola Pekovic, Ricky Rubio, B-Roy, AK-47, Chase Budinger, Malcolm Lee and Josh Howard all missed partial or entire seasons due to injury — but also the coaching staff, as well. Head coach Rick Adelman seems drained and in it for the short haul; perhaps a result of a trying season dealing with a wounded roster and seriously ill wife. It just didn’t work out for the Wolves this year. I’m happy Rubio looks like he’s back on track, and that this team can give it a go next season. But for now, we’re just hoping that the ligaments are fully repaired and the bones stay intact.
Sunday: Memphis Grizzlies at Sacramento Kings (7:00 PM PST on League Pass)
For the casual observer, Kings games involve two separate yet equally important components. The first is the on-court product. The Kings are a collection of streaky chuckers and mercurial forwards. Though they can score in bunches, they play no defense, so one only watches to see a 127-110 loss. They’re primarily a jump shooting team, so if shots aren’t falling, the game gets unwatchable quickly. The second theme, of course, is the off-court drama; the proposed relocation of the team. Watching the Kings is sort of like watching a convicted individual attempting to live their normal life while out on parole, awaiting a verdict. No one can predict what’ll happen, but in the meantime, it’s going to seem like business as usual. April 18 needs to happen so the next stage of the Kings life can begin, wherever that may be.