Editor’s Note:Cammie Dodson is an occasional contributor to The Diss. She is also the editor’s weekday girlfriend. She lives in Seattle and is none too happy about it.
***
I think Jacob has said that the NBA – its teams and their stories – has different significance for different people. For some it’s a nostalgic reminder of childhood and family traditions; for others, it represents an important tie to a certain group of friends or even a larger community; for others still, it’s a stress-relieving part of a daily routine geared for personal well-being. Whatever the meaning, the NBA holds a unique space in the lives of all of its fans. This is increasingly relevant as we reach the final days before the post-season. For me, however, the NBA is best understood through the lens of something very dear to me – ’90s R&B. More specifically, the velvety smooth stylings of Boyz II Men.
As you’ll see below, most of the major storylines of the season can be easily understood when set to 4-part harmony, deep-voiced mid-song beseeching, and soul-stirring ad libs. If you, like me, tire of basketball analysis filled with talk of “boards,” “FG percentages,” “coming hard off the block” (whatever the hell that means), and the latest retweets from @randomtwitterguy (#whogivesashit), then I hope this playlist helps to demystify and make meaningful some of this season’s highlights for you, as well.
Boyz II Men “Water Runs Dry” – Sacramento Kings
Let’s not wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let’s not wait till the water runs dry
We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don’t do it, baby
The Kings are unlikely to reach the playoffs this year but the big story for them, oft-told by now, is their seemingly imminent relocation and the struggle of their dedicated fanbase to prevent it. There may still be time to save this increasingly estranged relationship – as the boyz ambivalently caution, “some people work things out and some just don’t know how to change,” but at this point there may not be much left to save.
‘Cause everybody knows that we’re both torn apart
Boyz II Men ft. Mariah Carey “One Sweet Day” – Seattle Sonics
Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you’d always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
With a new prospective ownership group in Seattle and rumors of the Kings’ relocation, this season more than ever Sonics fans are pining for their lost team and hoping to rekindle what they once had. Seattlelites agree, ”although the sun will never shine the same again, I’ll always look to a brighter day.” Somehow, someway, green and gold will make its way back into Seattle’s loving arms.
And I know eventually we’ll be together
One sweet day
Boyz II Men “4 Seasons of Loneliness” – Charlotte Bobcats, Portland Trailblazers, Detroit Pistons, and Minnesota Timberwolves
Anytime I think about these things is shared with you
I break down and cry cause I get so emotional
Until you release me I’m bound under ball and chain
Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change
The nights are lonely and the days are sad for these teams, especially as we get closer to the playoffs. Even though the memories of better days still linger, it’s been a long time since any of them had something they could hold on to. And sadly for these perennially poor performers, it seems likely that “four seasons will bring the loneliness again.” Just let it out, let it out during the modulation.
I long for the warmth of days gone by
Boyz II Men “I’ll Make Love to You” – Miami Heat
We’re gonna celebrate, All through the night
Lebron James seems to be the guy that everyone is making love to – EVERYONE is on his nuts, to paraphrase the eloquent Kanye West. After their recent near-record-breaking winning streak, I’d say the entire team is making love to each other (in an offensive sense) and they’re likely to soon be making sweet, sweet love to the finals, or at least a nice, deeeep playoff run. Is it wrong to want to watch? Also, this one goes out straight to Dwyane Wade, from yours truly.
Oh my dayum.
Throw your clothes on the floor
I’m gonna take my clothes off too
Boyz II Men “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” – LA Lakers
I thought we’d get to see forever
But forever’s gone away
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
The Lakers may still make it to the playoffs, but with a new coach, old and ailing players, and a “system” that just hasn’t delivered all season it’s time to face the bitter truth: it’s over. While I’m sure Kobe isn’t ready to simply take with him the memories to be his sunshine after the raaaainn, it certainly seems like an era has come to an end, whether the Lakers are ready to move on or not.
Boyz II Men “On Bended Knee” – Almost everyone, yikes!
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you, it seems like eternity
I’m begging you, begging you come back to me
In a year of broken hearts, a major factor for several teams was the loss of players to injuries. In the few games I watched I saw far too many players down on bended knee, or dislocated shoulder, or broken hand. Depending on the team, the player, and the type of injury, the fallout ranged from minor upsets to entire seasons derailed. In some cases, simply believing in the spirit of love (it’ll heal all things, you won’t hurt anymore) seemed to work and players were able to come back in top condition but, in many cases, the separation was unbearable.
I’ll never walk again until you come back to me
I’m down on bended knee
Boys II Men ” Relax your mind” – Royce White
Don’t wanna waste your time
Sit back and relax your mind
I wanna be what you need and more
Just tell me what you like
This one is really just wishful thinking (and it takes us into the early 2000s) but it’s worth mentioning to bring up this year’s controversy around Royce White and his ongoing efforts to self-advocate for better accommodations for his mental health needs from his employer, the Houston Rockets. Let’s ignore the sleazy message of this song to send some love Royce’s way – hoping that he’ll find some peace and a path that works for him. This one’s for you, buddy.
Listen, I know you’re feeling me, I’m feeling you
So let’s take this slow before we try to make this move
Bonus track: K-Ci & Jojo “Tell Me It’s Real” – Golden State Warriors
Tell me it’s real,
This feeling that we feel,
Tell me that it’s real,
Don’t let love come just to pass us by
After a long, sometimes unrewarding relationship, Warriors fans certainly deserve to feel something real. They’ve stuck with their team “through the bitter end, through the thick and thin” and this year, finally, they’ve all but clinched a well-deserved playoff berth. The pain of past slights and perpetual resignation is slowly melting away and is being replaced by something else – a feeling that can only be described as excitement, a new hope for a future together they can already start to see. But will it last? Warriors fans would say, cautiously, yes. This feels different, this feels right. This may really be something serious. I wish them all the best. *For you most dedicated Warriors fans looking for your ultimate slow jam, also try throwing on Mariah Carey’s “I Still Believe.”
Try,
It’s all we have to do,
It’s up to me and you,
To make this special love last forever more